Stories From The Annex: El Cuñado

When you’re locked up people tend to work out and stuff; our pod was no exception. The main tank boss had a group of inmates that went hard and they all had ripped bodies and stuff. They used to sit on people while they did push ups, tank boss was ripped like crazy!

There was a guy that was ​in that group that me and the cell boss at the time (not tank boss, there’s a difference) El Cuñado, used to call Boricua cause, even though he was Mexican, he acted and talked like he was from Puerto Rico lol. Skeet was his real nickname, Boricua was his nickname on top of nicknames that we had, Actually he is the one who gave me my Mohawk. He was probably the most cut out of all of the guys and had an impressive noticable 6 pack that guys were jealous of.

On one day, me and El Cuñado, were chilling in the cell. I was reading a book, The Fallen (I remember cause it was when they started asking about it), and El Cuñado was reading his Bible asking me question about it. The group decides to head on upstairs to go work out in the cell next door. Skeet comes into our cell to say hey, and El Cuñado tells him, “You guys work out too much! There’s an easier way! I’ll show you how it’s done later.” He also worked out, but by himself or with me so he was built too.

I kept on reading in my bunk and he was on his, trying to write a summary of the Bible cause he said that he’s trying to understand it more, but he has a hard time remembering, that’s why he asked me all these questions. He remembers things better when written down; it’s a fact. I just kept reading and answering his questions not paying attention to him.

After about an hour and a half, not to sure though, the group decides to take a workout break and Boricua passes by and El Cuñado is all, “Hey Skeet! Look! I did it in less time than you! Six pack abs! Eat your heart out!” I put my book down to see wtf he was talking about. He then stands up and shows Boricua his six pack! He drew it on himself with a pen!

He was a character, jail would of been way more boring without him there cause he had us all balling with the things he did or said. He got himself into trouble and ended up getting thrown into lock down by the sergeant. Usually you get written up and then thrown into lockdown (disciplinary lockdown), not him. He got thrown immediately. You don’t mess with the sarg.

He went to court to sign his time, when you go to court, we all dread it. Yes, it means a step closer to getting out of there, but the process…

Over here we have 2 jails, downtown and the Annex. When you’re on the Annex and you have court, they wake you up at 2 am and you have to go through a stupid process, eat a cold cinnamon roll for breakfast that’s super sweet, I hate them, and then taken to the downtown jail to go to court next door. Then you’re placed in the annex holdovers there.

Well he went to court that day, more like night, and when he came back, he comes into the cell and asks me, “Hey Batman, 7-09 which pod is that?” I put my book down and tell him, “That’s lockdown why? He says, “Really? Crap! They moved me there immediately.” As he was getting his things. I was like, “Why?” But then the main tank boss comes in the cell and starts yelling at him telling him things and stuff.

“See what you did? I told you to stop fucking around so much!… Then it was a sargeant! You don’t fuck with a Sargeant! Now you’re going to go to TDC in medium custody fool!” He said bye to us all and stuff, and I still didn’t know why.

Thirty minutes later, Pawn comes in from court, they went together, and says, “Who moved my matt to the bottom? And where Carazco?” I told him, “Flaco and Sleepy did and Carazco got sent to lockdown.” Then he starts laughing and says, “Hahaha… Probably cause what he did, he’s so dumb!” I look at him and ask him, “Well what the hell did he do? Damn!” He gets his shower box and says, “I’m gonna go shower, I’ll tell you when I come back.”

In the Annex, they close the cell doors every hour. I don’t know why, but they do. It’s so annoying!!!! So he went to go shower and the guards closed my cell door. They closed it for 2 hours and when they opened, Pawn comes in and I ask him, “So what happened with Cuñado? Why did they throw him in lockdown? The only thing I hear is something about a sergeant.”

He says, “Oh, nah. Well we were still over here in the Annex in the holding cells and he was fucking around. The Sargeant told him to stop and to get away from the window. He didn’t listen and the Sargeant got mad, came inside, and told him again which he didn’t listen still. Then the Sargeant got a group of guards, grabbed him, and took him away.”

When El Cuñado left, I got sad because we used to get along so awesome and he made me laugh my ass off! When they locked the cell doors, we used to talk crap about all the guys outside in the pod. They used to say, “Pinchi Batman, El Cuñado te esta volviendo rascal como el.” (Fucking Batman, El Cuñado is turning you into a rascal like him.) He was in a different cell at first, but got moved when 4×4 moved in, he was a bottom bunk on the bottom floor. Grey was our cell boss at the time and Flaco left him cell boss even though El Cuñado had superiority, he was an Azteca. But drama happened and grey was fired; story later kids!

When he was in the other cell, he used to come up and say, “Okay Batman my homie! What’s up? Who’s fucking with you? Who do you want me to beat up?” Whoever was passing by, I used to point at them, or nod their direction, and say, “Him!” He then said, “Okay my Batman!” and he went to go chase them down. Didn’t beat them up though haha… He continued doing this till his last day in the pod.

So I was all sad and then it hit me, I was second in command in the cell. Now I’m the cell boss, I’ve been there so long that I became my cell’s boss? Oh damn…


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